Another early delivery

I have been incredibly blessed to have carried and delivered 3 healthy children.
My first baby, Jacob, was born early at 36 weeks.
My second baby, Emily, was stubborn and had to be coaxed out of her comfy resting place at 41 weeks.
My third baby, Matthew, was the only one to arrive on his own timing and was born at 39 weeks.

This baby, my 4th child, will be delivered to me at 37 weeks. From the day we saw her face for the very first time, May 14th, to the day we get to see her face in person, January 28th, will be exactly 37 weeks. I'm so relieved I don't have to go overdue again this time!

Today is day #84, exactly 12 weeks since our dossier was logged in. Exactly 12 weeks of waiting for the phone to ring, exactly 12 weeks of stalking the China adoption forum for any news, exactly 12 weeks of wondering where our dossier is among the sea of desks in China and wondering if they approve our family to adopt Claire.
Maybe 12 is our number and this will be our week though. We received our pre-approval 12 days after submitting our letter of intent and that was also the day after our 12th wedding anniversary. So, to say I'm hopeful that we will receive our LOA in our 12th week is an understatement.

In other news-
We have asked our agency a question, who passed the question onto their rep in China who in turn asked the orphanage (follow the chain here?). We asked if we could pay for Claire to receive English tutoring while we wait to travel. The orphanage responded quickly that they would like to find her an English teacher and will then let us know the cost. Wow, this could be so valuable for all of us!

Please let this ride stop

I feel like we are on a roller coaster ride with hills, valleys, turns, dips and once in awhile I think we may even be flung upside down. Just like a roller coaster, it takes a lot longer to go up than it does to fly down the hill. I get my hopes up for over a week only to have those hopes fall fast in one day. With each close of business on Thursday I mentally tell myself that 'next week' will be it.

Two weeks ago a flood of LOAs arrived at many agencies. I was secretly hoping ours would be arriving, as we were just over the 60 day mark. The government agency in China would be going on break for over a week to celebrate National Day and the Moon Festival so I knew if it didn't arrive within a short time span we would be waiting at least two more weeks for any news. Obviously, it didn't arrive. I was very bummed and it was made worse by the fact that four other families adopting from Beijing did receive their LOA that week; some of which had waited less time than we have. This process does not make sense; you can't figure it out and I think that drives us every bit closer to crazy as each day ticks on the calendar.

So, today is day #75. The roller coaster has been ticking slowly up since that bummy day two weeks ago. My hopes are quite high for this week. I know I shouldn't do that because it can only lead to more disappointment but it is insanely hard to tell my heart not to jump at every phone call. It is almost reverse of being 40+ weeks pregnant. Instead of relatives calling and sounding disappointed when you answer the phone they get to hear your voice of disappointment when you answer the phone and they aren't the adoption agency. No offense, I love you all but you need to somehow figure out how to change your caller ID to read FTIA.

Please say a prayer for us that we will get that much desired phone call soon. It has been 4 1/2 months since we saw our darling girl's face and committed to making her our daughter. While it may not seem like a long time in the grand scheme of life it is feeling like eternity right now.

Day 54

It hit today.
So far the wait hasn't seemed too bad and even though the days are written in red on the calendar, they have gone by fairly quickly and without a lot of thought or agony. Until today.

Today is day #54 of our wait. On Thursday it will be 8 weeks since our dossier was logged in with the CCAA. I truly hope to get our LOA on day 60-something but worry has set in that we might wait at least 40-something more days.

I pray every day that something will make our file get reviewed quickly because every day we wait is another day that Claire is laughing or crying without me. Even though I have never met her in person or nuzzled my nose in her hair, she is my daughter and I am separated from her.

Not the right time

Well, after a couple days to really think about the way I'm feeling I called the adoption agency and told them that I don't think this girl is right for us. I hope another family feels called to adopt this princess and give her a family. Along with the feelings of uncertainties I have realized that I think we are more ready to answer the call than earlier this year and should move forward to make this a reality. We plan to get on a waiting list and when the right child comes along we will be asked to review her file. I have to trust in God's plan for us even though my heart aches for another little girl.

long time, no see

After a long absence from any writing in the adoption blog, I have returned. Hopefully nobody checks the blog anymore so for awhile I can blog out my own feelings of what is going on. I'll just pretend I'm alone in here.

I have been checking different agency webpages of children that are currently waiting in China for several months. Most have a special need but some are simply children that are older and their special need is just that- they are over the age of what most people want to adopt. Late last week I inquired about 2 little girls, one 6 years old, one 7 years old. The 6 year old had a special need that I felt I was willing to accept but after reading her file I didn't feel that 'connection' that made me think she might be right for us. I then inquired about the 7 year old who is by all measures, healthy. I could hardly keep my hiney on the chair with every paragraph I read. I instantly emailed J asking him just how quick we could financially afford an adoption. Of course, nothing is as quick as you'd like!

We discussed it Friday night and this morning I started calling agencies here in the state that could perform our homestudy if all of this comes to fruition. I honestly don't know how we would do it financially, but if this little girl is meant to be in our family I truly have faith that God will show us the way to make it happen. Christmas may be suspended for all except our children.