quilt progress and other stuff

First, I have been working on Claire's quilt a lot. I mean a lot; so much so that I started getting blisters on my fingers from cutting and cramps in my shoulders from sewing. So here is what I have so far.


Do you see your fabric?
Don't worry if you don't, that is only 30 quilt blocks laid out. So far I have 79 blocks done and I still have fabric that can be used. Here is a tip for all future good-wish-quilt makers; use only one square or one fat quarter of fabric for each contribution. File the extra away in fabric file 51 and save it. Seriously. I received several contributions (including our own) of 1/2 yard of fabric or more. I thought the more the better so I cut all of it to be put into the quilt. I now have enough quilt squares for a queen sized quilt and it is still growing. This quilt has turned out much bigger than I anticipated but I don't feel like I can stop now; it is certainly a labor of love!



Update on paperwork shuffle-
Our I-800 approval was sent to the National Visa Center on 11/19 and cabled to Guanghzou the next day- 11/20. I read today that another family who was cabled the same day received their Article 5 yesterday. I haven't heard any word from our agency on our Article 5, but leave it to inpatient me to email them last night to check. It would truly be awesome to get our Article 5 so quickly and move onto the last step- our travel approval.


After taking Matthew to the eye doctor today to check the healing of his eye mishap I stepped in and talked with the principal about enrolling Claire in school. I was extremely relieved to hear that she felt the same as I do which is that Claire would be better served in the same school as her siblings instead of a different school receiving English learning classes. She will be required to take an assessment exam before enrolling in which the committee will most likely recommend that she be enrolled at a different school but the principal informed me today that it is ultimately our decision. I had put off meeting with her because I was worried about resistance to what we'd like for Claire so this is a huge relief. She was certain that immersing Claire straight into the classroom would be beneficial and that any kindergarten teacher would be very accepting of the challenge.

I-800!

Wow, we got our I-800 approval quick! I've paid attention to other adoptive parent's timelines and it is usually about a month from LOA to I-800 approval. We got our approval on the 13th, so we were approved only 2 1/2 weeks after I sent the application. We have a wonderful immigration officer who emailed me the scanned copy of our approval so I could FedEx it to the agency that day instead of waiting for the hard copy to come in the mail and making a copy.

I sent our LOA package to the agency last week and they will be receiving it today. The package contains our original, signed LOA, Claire's US visa paperwork and fee, our travel requests and the copy of our I-800 approval. I also gathered some items to send to Claire and sent the care package with the paperwork for our agency to forward onto the orphanage.

Claire's care package included a letter to the director and nannies (in English and Mandarin), a photo album for Claire with pictures of all of us and a little story book I made for her to explain what is about to happen. I made it very simple with pictures and translated the words to Mandarin. Claire will be celebrating her 7th birthday before we are able to bring her home so we sent a birthday card that I also translated into Mandarin for her. We found the perfect card for her- a Hello Kitty 7th birthday card! We also included two bags of Jelly Bellies and I picked up a disposable camera as well. Hopefully they will take pictures with it so we have some pictures to save for Claire.

It is almost becoming surreal that in about two months this journey to Claire will end and our new journey as a family with Claire will begin. To say I'm nervous is an understatement. What if she hates us? What if she was truly happy in China with her foster family and resents us for bringing her here? While we are over the moon about having a new daughter we will most likely not be met with the same enthusiasm. We've talked about this for years and now we are almost to the end but we are in need of your prayers now more than ever. I often return to Psalm 46:10, Be still and know that I am God. This journey is bigger than us and is orchestrated by way more than the paperwork I fill out and file. This is God's journey and I try to remember to be still and let him lead the way.

Update since LOA

What does one do after receiving LOA? Well, I'm so glad you asked!
First, you freak out, squeal with delight, call everyone you know and squeal in their ear and that signals to them that you must have received your LOA, you go our for a celebratory dinner and then...
You start the paperwork all over again.

We received our LOA package from our agency this next day and wow, what a beautiful piece of paper! It is so cool to look at a document that came straight from China- with our names on it!
Thankfully, I had started the next round of paperwork a couple weeks prior because I knew we were going to be busy starting orthodontics on the boys, field trips and of course the obligatory swine flu that showed up.

We sent out our I-800 to USCIS on Wednesday. The I-800A we applied for earlier was to approve us to adopt an orphan from China. Now we file the I-800 which we will approve us to specifically adopt Claire. USCIS received it the next morning so now we just wait for the approval.

We also sent out visa applications to a courier in Chicago who will walk our application and passports into the Chinese Consulate. We will get those back next week.

We filled out the US visa application for Claire and will send that to our agency with the signed LOA and a copy of I-800 approval when it arrives.

And, we have sat down and figured out the finances; something about traveling in 2 months sets off panic about financing the rest of the journey. I will be listing several crocheted hats for sale on my other blog to help us with this. We sold about 15 hats at our yard sale and everyone just loved them. I will put a link to my other blog here once I post them but for now, here is a preview.

Three Sweet Words

Shortly after leaving the house to take Emily to the doctor my cell phone rang. I've been on pins and needles all day wondering/hoping that FTIA would be receiving a package of LOAs and ours would be included. Of course the call would come in just after leaving the house!

Our caseworker said the sweetest words- "yes, a package did come in today and your LOA was in it!" Praise the Lord!
So, our LOA did arrive in our 12th week of waiting and even better it arrived on day #88. Eight is considered a lucky number in China.

So, what are the next steps? More waiting.
1. The agency overnighted our LOA packet to us so we will receive it tomorrow.
2. We sign the LOA and send it back to them, along with the visa paperwork for Claire's visa. They will send it on to China ahead of our arrival.
3. Tomorrow I will be sending our I-800 off to USCIS. This is the second half of the immigration process. The first part approved us to adopt an orphan from China, this step will approve us to adopt Claire specifically and set it up that she will automatically become a US citizen once on US soil.
4. Once approved, USCIS will send our approval to the US Consulate in Guangzhou, China. We will have our final appointment at this consulate so they get part of the paperwork ready for us ahead of time.
5. When the consulate receives our I-800 approval, a second LOA that our agency will send and Claire's visa paperwork they will issue a document called the "Article 5." This is sent to the CCAA to let them know everything is in order on the US side and we can travel to China.
6. After all that the CCAA will issue us our Travel Approval, or TA. Once we get the TA we can set an appointment with the consulate and we back our travel up from that.

Right now it is taking about 50-80 days to get from LOA to TA. I think traveling by the end of the year will happen only with a miracle. We are most likely looking at travel in January.

Thank you all for your prayers and definitely don't stop now; we have a lot ahead of us.

Today is day #84, exactly 12 weeks since our dossier was logged in. Exactly 12 weeks of waiting for the phone to ring, exactly 12 weeks of stalking the China adoption forum for any news, exactly 12 weeks of wondering where our dossier is among the sea of desks in China and wondering if they approve our family to adopt Claire.
Maybe 12 is our number and this will be our week though. We received our pre-approval 12 days after submitting our letter of intent and that was also the day after our 12th wedding anniversary. So, to say I'm hopeful that we will receive our LOA in our 12th week is an understatement.

In other news-
We have asked our agency a question, who passed the question onto their rep in China who in turn asked the orphanage (follow the chain here?). We asked if we could pay for Claire to receive English tutoring while we wait to travel. The orphanage responded quickly that they would like to find her an English teacher and will then let us know the cost. Wow, this could be so valuable for all of us!

Please let this ride stop

I feel like we are on a roller coaster ride with hills, valleys, turns, dips and once in awhile I think we may even be flung upside down. Just like a roller coaster, it takes a lot longer to go up than it does to fly down the hill. I get my hopes up for over a week only to have those hopes fall fast in one day. With each close of business on Thursday I mentally tell myself that 'next week' will be it.

Two weeks ago a flood of LOAs arrived at many agencies. I was secretly hoping ours would be arriving, as we were just over the 60 day mark. The government agency in China would be going on break for over a week to celebrate National Day and the Moon Festival so I knew if it didn't arrive within a short time span we would be waiting at least two more weeks for any news. Obviously, it didn't arrive. I was very bummed and it was made worse by the fact that four other families adopting from Beijing did receive their LOA that week; some of which had waited less time than we have. This process does not make sense; you can't figure it out and I think that drives us every bit closer to crazy as each day ticks on the calendar.

So, today is day #75. The roller coaster has been ticking slowly up since that bummy day two weeks ago. My hopes are quite high for this week. I know I shouldn't do that because it can only lead to more disappointment but it is insanely hard to tell my heart not to jump at every phone call. It is almost reverse of being 40+ weeks pregnant. Instead of relatives calling and sounding disappointed when you answer the phone they get to hear your voice of disappointment when you answer the phone and they aren't the adoption agency. No offense, I love you all but you need to somehow figure out how to change your caller ID to read FTIA.

Please say a prayer for us that we will get that much desired phone call soon. It has been 4 1/2 months since we saw our darling girl's face and committed to making her our daughter. While it may not seem like a long time in the grand scheme of life it is feeling like eternity right now.

Comments and comebacks

It happened. I knew from reading other adoptive parent's stories that the negative and ignorant comments would flow but we had, fortunately, not experienced any so far. Until this weekend.

What was supposed to be a happy family gathering to celebrate a grandparent's 85th birthday turned into an afternoon that still simmers in my mind as the day I had to defend our very personal choice and decision to adopt from China. It's been a few days now and the anger is almost as fresh as the day it happened.

Part of me says I shouldn't blog about this because it won't really help the situation. But, as I've stated before, I honestly hope my blog will bring other people to consider adoption and in that consideration comes the good, bad and ugly. This is the ugly, or at least part of the ugly.

I will preface this by saying I usually try to handle conversations in a polite manner and not this way at all. I think I responded the way I did because I felt like our personal choice was being attacked and what does a mama bear do when their family is attacked? You guessed it, defend.

While this conversation may read innocent enough on the screen, these questions were asked in a very snotty, antagonistic tone.

D: I heard you guys were adopting and my first thought was "why China?" So, why China?
Because that is where God put her.
D: But, why China?
Because that is where God put her.
D: But, there are so many kids in the US.
Have you researched adopting a child in the US?
D: No.
That is why we are going to China.
Mish Mash, small talk and more questions.

D: So, what does Emily think?
Emily is thrilled and can't wait for her sister to come home.
D: Will Claire have her own room?
No, she will share a room with Emily.
D: What does Emily think about that?
Again, she is very excited; she has been asking for a sister for years.
D: Uh huh, we'll see what she thinks once she is here. So, what do the other kids think about all this?
We are all very excited and talk about Claire every day. Things like one chair is left at our table and Claire will make our table full, things we are going to do when she comes home, etc.
D: raised eyebrows: Well, I can't wait to see what its like a couple months after she comes home; see if they are still so excited.
This is no different than me carrying a child and giving birth; a new sibling will be an adjustment.

More mish mash questions. I think I'm on trial at this point.
I had Claire's pictures with me and they were lying on the table. One of them was the original picture and one was the more recent one. Granted, she looks a bit different but she is also not smiling in one of them.
D: So which one are you adopting?
They are the same girl.
D: I hate to say it....I really hate to say it but she looks like a boy.
She's our daughter and it doesn't matter to us.
D: I just hate to say it...
Then don't!
D: I hate to say it...
Then don't, keep it to yourself and don't say it.
D: Well, I wish you luck.
We don't need luck, we have God.

At that point I was finished with this conversation.
A few pointers for people who do not understand adoption and how it works.
1. The choice of what kind of adoption a person pursues is personal; just as personal as the person you want to marry, when you want to have children and what you want to name your children. It is not up for questioning or interrogation. Just as it is inappropriate to question someone's choice to have more than one child or not to have any children, it is inappropriate to question adding children to a family through adoption.
2. Adopted children are no different to a family than biological children. I know this is hard for some people to understand, especially if they have never really thought about adoption. We will not love her any less or any differently.
3. There isn't a refund option for adopted children, even if our children decide in two months that it isn't all pretty and rosy. We don't get to send her back and say this isn't what we thought it would be. You can't do that with a new car, why on earth would that be an insinuated for a child?!
4. Other countries and cultures do their hair differently and may have very good reasons for short hair. There are many children in each orphanage and it makes caring for the children easier if girls do not have long hair.
5. Other countries and cultures aren't snap happy with cameras like we are here in the US. The fact that we have one picture of a smiling child from China is rare. 99% of children available for adoption from China are not smiling in photos; they simply aren't used to cameras in their face.
6. Back to the golden rule- If you don't have anything nice to say then don't say anything at all. I can't imagine someone would ever tell a parent to their face that their girl looked like a boy so why would that be OK now? Is it because we haven't brought her home yet?

I honestly hope we do not encounter anymore 'adoption trial' questioning sessions again; unless of course it is by our social worker at our post-placement visits.